It really stuck with me and made me think a lot about this topic. When I was younger I always gave tons of fucks about everything. I always wanted to be friends with everyone. I gave lots of fucks about what other people think of me.
I always used to be the clown in the class who entertained and made everyone laugh. I used to be friends with every group in school, even if those groups who didn't like each other. I put an effort into making it that way. I gave a lot of fucks.
When someone didn't like me, it gave me stomach pain and I invested tons of fucks into making sure we find common ground and sort things out. I just couldn't understand when someone didn't like me. (what did I do wrong?)
Over the years in my career, I learned that there are some people who just don't like me, no matter what I say or do. I invested even more fucks to change their mind, bring them over to my side, for no specific reason.
I wasted so many fucks over the years on people I don't even like, and I still don't even know why.
Today I find myself giving way less fucks, because my budget of fucks to give is slowly getting smaller. Probably one of the benefits of getting older.
But the thing is, I like giving a fuck. It makes me who I am and it shows that I care. I'm disappointed in myself because I wasted all these fucks as a teenager and in my early career. All these fucks I could really make use of right now, but instead I don't give a fuck, because I feel like I have so few left.
What I'm trying to say is, I don't want to be that guy who gets older and give less fucks every year. But at the same time, I like the feeling of not giving a fuck, because it conserves my energy and keeps me sane.
There is a positive and a negative side to it, and it has never been more clear to me than today. When I was younger, I didn't think of it this way, but I wish I had because holy shit I would be rich of fucks to give today.
So, my core message to myself & maybe you is: Make sure to manage your bank account of fucks you give. Don't waste them on people you don't even like, or people who're just haters for the sake of being haters. Spend them on people who deserve them & trade them with you.
Have a wonderful week, Tobias
Hi, I'm Tobias, a German designer living in New York. I'm the author of this blog, nice to meet you!